Letting Lily Go
by HarryPotterForever3
Summary: Snape one true love is Lily Potter.He loves her and never tolled her that he cared for her more than a friend. Snape reflects on the decision of Letting her go,the hardest decision he ever had to make.Will he forget his hatred for James to protect his son, or will he let hatred stop him from seeing the truth about one Harry James Potter. Becomes more AU as the story goes on.
1. Goodbye to my Lover and Foe

**Goodbye to my love and to my nemesis**

Severus Tobias Snape wasn't one to get emotional. Never show emotion,or at least true emotion, it's a sign of weakness. The only time he ever couldn't control his emotions was when the headmaster and his mentor,Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore gave him grave news one Hallows Eve.

**Flashback(Snape's POV-most 3rd person POV and narration but the I's are Snape unless stated otherwise)**

"What do you want Dumbledore?"asked a very annoyed Snape. He was sitting in the headmaster's office and neither of them have said a word in over an hour. Dumbledore looked Severus in the eye for the first time mornfully.

"It's Lily, isn't it,sir?"Snape half stated and half asked the weary old man.

Yes Severus, my boy. I am afraid Voldemort as killed both her and James tonight. I'm so sorry. I know how much you cared about . Lily was simply your best friend"Answered the headmaster quietly.

That's when Snape completely lost it. "No you don't know how I feel about Lily, and don't pretend that you do. I love Lily but,she chose that idiot Potter. Lily Elizabeth Evans was the only person I have ever truly knew about my father. She was the only one who ever cared about me in my youth. She could read me like a book. The only thing that Lily Evans didn't know was my true affection for her."Snape yelled and stopped to catch his breath.

The thought of Lily dead hurt. He loved her and wanted to die himself. In his mind he had nobody worth living for anymore. She was his life,his savior, she was always there for him and Snape couldn't protect her. He wanted to hex Dumbledore for not protecting her like he said he would. "I asked you one thing Albus Too-Many-Names Dumbledore, was too save protect her at all costs and in return I would spy for the Order. I will still spy out of duty, but you owe my Albus. Big Time."Snape said slightly angry and completely lost. Lily 's death was after all, all Severus's fault. He told Voldemort the prophecy. He failed Lily. He signed his true loves death warrant. For that he can never forgive himself.

Snape endured mass amounts of pain and risked exposure for Dumbledore. He risked it all for the man who was like an actual father to him since his actual blood could never do the job. He did this all for Albus(and Lily).The only thing that has kept him sane over the years was the knowledge that Lily was safe. He would die for Lily, but never got the chance.

Albus at least cared for a bit for Snape. His father just beat him while Albus did not. But it Albus really cared about him would he be toying with his life like this? Having him betray the Dark did this willingly, thinking it was protecting Lily when in reality it was all in vain. Lily's dead and all his hard work was for nothing.

Luckily, he was not known to be a spy thankfully but if anyone thought he ever was betraying the Voldemort. He kept good appearances and will have to still do it now or risk being exposed. He did this by not being kind to Gryffindors, and favoring the very house the man they warshipped came out of. Voldemort has killed loyal servants for just thinking of betrayal and there Snape was telling The Dark Lords plans to his worst enemy at the moment.

Severus suddenly raised his wand. Albus ducked thinking he was going to be hexed. He inwardly actually scared the old man,the best wizard of our time. Instead of hexing him,Snape preformed the patronus charm. Snape struggled to conjure his patronus for the first time in 12 years. His happiest memory had been of him and Lily sitting by the lake. Talking just talking. Thinking of Lily made him somewhat sad but he has to get through it. He eventually got enough strength to conjure his patronus. A doe raced around Dumbledore's office. The same size and shape of Lily's patronus. This shocked Dumbledore. Rarely ever had two people had the exact same patronus. Only true sole mates would have them. "How long Severus?"he asked dumbly knowing a patronus never changed.

"Always" answered Snape.

**End Flashback**

"I failed. I truly failed. The one thing he asked was to keep his love safe. And I couldn't do it."Dumbledore stated and started weeping into his hands.

Fawkes cried mournfully and started trilling a sad tune. Phoenix Tears had healing powers, and no matter how much Fawkes cried he couldn't fix this one. He couldn't bring Lily Potter nee Evans back.

**Flashback**

Severus ran out of Dumbledores office felt tears starting to well up in his eyes. No,don't cry now. He ran to the apperation point and appereated straight to Godric's Hallow. To Lily and James Potter's home. He saw the dark mark in the sky and knew that this wasn't one of Dumbledores twisted jokes. They really are dead. Severus's mind briefly went to Harry,Lily's son. He was most certainly dead just like his parents. Voldemort had won.

Snape walked into the Potter's home and saw the door was blown to bits. He walked up the stairs and saw James Potter,his life long enemies body on the thought that he should be happy that his childhood tormentor is finally dead and gone, but he wasn't. He actually sort of regretted not ending his feud with the Potter ,but what is done is is no fixing this. James and Lily,the devil and my angel are gone for good. I hated Potter ,but I owe James Daniel Potter. He saved my life after all. James was a jerk ,but at least he grew up.

James was a good man while Severus was a Death Eater. Yeah, I have the mark and worked as a spy, but once you have the mark there is no backing out but,that didn't make him a bad person did it?No Severus T Snape isn't a bad person. He made bad choices ,but we all have made choices we regret.

Severus said goodbye to James and promised him he would repay his debt to him somehow even if it meant actually being civil with the other Mauraderers. Snape winced at the thought. Remus Lupin he could deal with but,in no way was he ever going to be kind to Sirius Black.

Snape was grateful that James saved his life even though they weren't friends. He would repay his debt to James somehow and then he can go on and hate the man's memory in peace. After a quiet farewell and moment of silence in remembrance of James, he swiftly stepped over the elder Potter not prepared for what he was to find.


	2. Remembering Lily

**Love you Forever**

Lily Potter was my true was the only person I ever cared about. I walk up the stairs with the hope that this is just a nightmere,or some sick joke of Dumbledore's. Lily can't be dead, she just _can't_ be. I never got to apologize to her.I never got to tell her my real feelings for her.

Every step I take the hope that the love of my life has survived diminishes a bit. Don't give up hope. There still is a chance that she is alive,even if it is a slim one. I reach the top of the stairs and walk through the only open was the door to the nursery.

I hear a surprising sound.A baby? The Potter brat was supposed to be dead. How on the planet earth did he manage to survive?Voldemort was only after the boy and somehow the boy lived.I will protect him for Lily's sake and for James' debt...Mostly for Lily. I will protect him for Lily. I will do almost anything for Lily. Wow,she really had me wrapped around her little finger,didn't she.

I turn my head and see Lily. She was lying on the ground with her hair wild around her is in the shape of a halo. Even in death she looks like an angel. _My_ angel. I gently pick up her torso and gently rock her back and forth. She still smells like Jasmine and Cinnamon.

**Flashback****(to first year)**

"Hi Lils" Snape says affectionately. Embracing Lily.

"Hey Sev"Lily said returning his hug.

I smell her hair. Jasmine. Her hair has always smells like Jasmine. It's a comforting smell and always seems to calm me down.(The cinnamon must be her body lotion)

"You seem upset Lily,what's wrong?"asked a concerned Severus.

"It's just someone called me a mudblood. I asked Remus what it meant and he told looked ready to kill whoever called me it. I didn't tell him because I didn't want to cause trouble. I really don't feel like I belong Sev."said Lily.

She started to cry. "It's okay Lily. You'll always have me. You're the best in our year. This fact shows us that magical heritage is not important. If it was as important as everyone thinks muggleborns are you would be as dimwitted as Goyle, and Malfoy would be the smartest wizard that ever lived. I am only a half blooded, Headmaster Dumbledore and Voldemort are both half bloods and they are two of the most powerful wizards of our time...You're always there for me,so let me be there for you."Snape stated wanted to protect Lily.

"Thank you Sev. You are an awesome friend"Said Lily

"Now who called you that?"Sev asked already guessing the answer.

"Lucius Malfoy and his stupid body guards. I know there in your house I really don't want to cause you any trouble."

"I don't care what house they're in. I'm still hexing them. Nobody insults you Lily. Especially not in front of me. I most likely will have to serve detention but it'll be so worth it. Malfoy's a git. I've actually wanted to hex him."

"Sev,I don't want you to get into trouble."Said Lily trying to persuade him to do nothing.

"Lily,I'm hexing Malfoy and that's final."Severus Stated.

**End Flashback**

I still have scars from that. Malfoy hexed me back and I have a long scar on my back because of him. It was so worth it. I ended up in the hospital wing and served detention with our head of house along with Lucius Malfoy, but it was all worth it. I would go to hell and back for Lily. I have loved her since we were nine years old. She was the one who got away. I will love Lily always. She will live on in my heart forevermore.

I realize tears have been silently rolling down my face. This time I don't stop them. I close my eyes and crying and remembering Lily Evans,my best friend,my one true love. The woman who is in my arms motionless. If only I could bring her back,If only she could stay than I wouldn't have to say goodbye and Lily,you could know how I really feel. I love you Lily.

The truth is no spell or potion can bring back the dead. Once they are gone they are gone for good. This thought makes me cry harder. Nothing can bring my Lily back. I rock her body back and forth hoping by some miracle she is still alive and maybe just knocked out. Her body is cold. She is dead and has been for hours.

I actually lost her years ago,when she married James.I would have asked her to marry me except I have the mark and was seen as evil to society. Lily was the brightest flower in the meadow, and I was the dark follower of the evil snake man. As much as I loathe to admit it, James was better for her. If we were together Voldemort would have made her take the dark mark. That would have broke her and I couldn't let her suffer through that. Lily was too pure hearted and good natured to be forced to follow that evil noseless jerk.I had to let her go to protect her.

**Flashback**

It was our sixth year. The other Slytherins were thinking of blood purity and have decided to take the mark. At that time Voldemort was rising to kept sending me back to my abusive father. My mother died the term before. She was the only one who cared for me.I decided to take the mark,I thought he would care. I finally had some friends in my doing this I had to loose Lily. It was for the best but,I never stopped loving her.

I knew the words that would hurt her most. I didn't mean them for a second but I had to utter them. One sentence was all it took to loose my best friend.

"You're just a freak Lily,A stupid, little mudblood Gryffindor"I said my voice full of hate.

From that point on she was James' and I was completely alone.

That day was the day I lost my best friend for good.

**End Flashback**

Letting her go was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I have never stopped loving her. Why did I have to go along with my house mates?They were never truly my friends. The only thing they ever cared about was power and blood purity. I just wanted to belong. I lost the only friend that ever cared about me. I want her to forgive me but,I guess it's to late to ask for my forgiveness. I will live with the guilt and pain of loosing the only person that ever sincerely cared about me. I feel responsible for her death. Maybe if I had the guts to tell her how I still feel early than I did,Maybe if I never uttered those horrible hate filled words she would be mine.I regret not being there for her since our fight. I regret following Voldemort,the evil sociopath who killed her. I will find away to make it up to her

I sit there holding Lily and crying. Really crying.I haven't cried in a very long is a mournful cry. A cry for the loss of my one true love. I cry to remember my failures.I cry to try to bring her if I wish hard enough,and cry loud enough I can bring her back down to earth. I want my angel.I need her now more than ever. I don't want to cry anymore ,but I can't stop the tears.I shouldn't be ashamed of the it in just makes it worse in the long run. I hold Lily and cry for hours.

I just smell her hair,cry and remember the Lily I knew as a the Lily I loved.I sit there remembering all of the times she saved me and all the times I how I repeatedly lost her.I am a bad friend for hurting her,even though it was unintentional. I can't change what's already happened. If I could turn back time and fix my mistakes I would, but I can't. The only thing I can do now is learn from the many mistakes I've made.

* * *

><p>It is near dawn and he hears a motorcycle coming. Must be Sirius coming for his godson. I must get out of here. He can't know I have loved Lily.I gently put her body back on the ground,close her eyes and kiss her on the looks like she is peacefully she is just dreaming a sweet dream that she will never wake up from.<p>

"Goodbye my sweet"I whisper and then apperate out of the house. Apperate away from from the only person that ever mattered. It finally hits me hard. I will never see her smiling face again. Lily,my one true love is gone.


	3. The Invitation,No Time to celebrate

**No Time Celebrations**

I apperate out of the the Potter residence and head to my house to calm down. It is dangerous to apparate when you are emotional but,I don't care if I get splinched now. I want to die. My best friend and only love is dead,what do I have to live for?

Surprisingly I land at my destination completely unscathed. I collapse on my couch and, grab a bottle of Firewhiskey,to drown my sorrows. Soon,I fall into a deep alcohol induced sleep. I dream of Lily,my guardian angel.

**The Dream**

"Sev...wake up."says Lily.

She looks so young. So beautiful. I look up at her and see her angelic smile,that you couldn't help but,smile back.

"Be strong Sev. Look after my son for me. I trust you. Severus Tobias Snape I have always loved you. Goodbye my friend,"says Lily

"Lily don't go. I LOVE YOU!"

Severus yelled at Lily but,she was gone

**End Dream**

That was a strange dream. I look up at the clock.7 AM.I left Lily 3 hours ago. A tear slips out of my eye. She's gone. Lily's gone.

I dress in some old jeans and a green T shirt. I look like a mess but,I don't care. I have nobody left to impress. I walk out of my house and see people dressed all in there cloaks. Stupid Wizards. Do you want to get us exposed? The Dark Lord vanishes and now the Statue of Secrecy is at risk of being exposed.

I hear a familiar voice from behind me. "Come to celebrate?The Dark Lord's gone. They did it that evil noseless git is DEAD!To bad the Potters died though. Such a tragedy. Many have died in this war. But,whatcha gonna do?"said the voice.

It belonged to Amos Diggery. They went to school together. Amos was a Hufflepuff a few years ahead. The only time they ever had contact was in Herbology or Order meetings. How dare he talk to me?Can't he see I'm upset. Snape was resisting the urge to slap the Puff across the face. "Why Celebrate? I don't think he is gone. I think that's what he wants us all to think so he can attack us when we have our guard down."Said Snape slightly annoyed.

"Paranoid Much. Jeesh you're almost as bad as Mad-Eye"Amos said.

He quickly walked away leaving a peeved Snape behind. Really They're celebrating. What Fools! Why Celebrate? There is no solid Evidence the Dark Lord is dead. There was no body found at the scene. I look at my left arm. The mark is still there. He is not gone for good.

The mark is made to let the Death Eaters know Voldemort's feelings and when meetings are. It will disappear when Voldemort is dead. When they have no one to follow. He's not gone I have to tell Albus. I have to warn him.I flooed to my quarters at Hogwarts. I've canceled classes for the day and apparently the other professors did too. I did it so I don't have to deal with idiotic children,I have no idea why the others did though. Probably celebrating.

I finally reach the headmaster's gargoyle. "Password?"asked the gargoyle.

"Grrr.I don't have time for this. You will let me up to see the Headmaster now. It's urgent. I am Professor Snape,Potions Master here. Let me see my boss ,or you will have hell to pay."

"Fine and by the way the passwords Chocolate Frogs."Said the gargoyle opening up to reveal a winding stair case.

Albus and his sweets. It's really ridiculous."You wanted to see me Severus?Lemon Drop?"

"No thank you. Albus why is everyone out celebrating?Voldemort's not gone."

"Why the Wizarding World has had very little to celebrate in nearly 25 years. You should be celebrating too. Wait did you just say he's not gone?Severus what are you not telling me?"

"No Albus I will not celebrate. I just lost the love of my life and it is all YOUR FAULT!Yes,VOLDEMORT IS NOT GONE. There was no body found and LOOK"Severus yelled,while quickly rolling up his left sleeve.

Dumbledore gasped. The dark mark was still there. Faint and grey but,it still was there. "We must stop him from returning to power. But,how did he just disappear like that?"Said Albus.

"I don't know sir. May I ask you another question?"Asked Severus.

"Yes and I believe you just did but, you may ask another."Said Albus

"How did the boy survive and what's to happen to him?"Asked Severus.

"To your first question I can only speculate. I suspect the love that Lily had for Harry and her protecting him saved acted like a shield and it ricocheted and hit Voldemort. His own curse destroyed him. To your second I have yet to decide. He is most likely going to live with Lily's sister Petunia. It will be better for him to live away from the World of Wizards. There he won't be pampered and will be essentially a _normal_ child.

"But,Petunia hates magic. She even hated her sister. Tuney constantly called Lily a FREAK.I really don't think that is a good idea."

"Well do you have any better ideas Severus?"

"Minerva?She always wanted a child and I believe lives in a muggle neighborhood."

"No,She is too closely tied to the world of Wizards and resides here most of the year. Any one else?"

"The Longbottoms?I believe they have a son Harry's age and Alice was Lily's best friend."asked Severus.

"Good idea in theory but,they currently are in Saint Mungos. Bellatrix Crucioed him into insanity. Augusta is caring for there child and one child is a handful at her age. I don't want to burden her."Said Albus.

"How about Remus Lupin?He was James' best friend. I know he is a werewolf but he is only a danger a few days a month."

"The Ministry would never allow it and you know about you Severus?"

"I will NOT raise the Potter brat. He 's probably just as much trouble as his father."Snape spat.

"He's just a baby though Severus and, you were Lily's best friend. For Lily?"Asked Albus.

And there it is playing the Lily card. "I'm sorry,I just can't.I have other responsibilities. How about Amos Diggery?"asked Snape.

"They treat there own son like a prince. Harry will be second best. He also is too tied into Wizarding affairs."Said Dumbledore.

"Arabella Figg?The Weasleys?Amelia Bones?The Lovegoods?The Tonks?Any of them work for you?"

"Arabella is a better caretaker for cats than children. She is accident prone and wouldn't have her care for a child long term. Even though she lives in a muggle neighborhood and is a squib.

The Weasley family have a lot of children already and can't afford another child.

Amelia Bones works for the Ministry and is caring for her niece Susan. to tied to the Wizarding World and Harry would never grow up normally.

The Lovegoods are really wacky and off in dream land most of the time. I doubt they will be able to care for two children since Pandora is expecting a child soon.

The Tonks are good people. I would trust them with Harry but,Andromeda is tied to the World of Wizards and I'm not sure Harry will ever be treated normally."Said Albus

"Excuses for everything don't you Dumbledore. Why do you want him to go to Petunia?"

"Why? She is his only living family and I can put up blood wards."Albus simply stated.

"Blood wards?You know they are not the strongest wards around. Wards of love are strongest. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they will love him."Snape stated

"I know. But,I have no other ideas. Are you sure you won't take him?"Albus pleaded.

"No and that's final. I see you're going to do what you want no matter what. Just remember I warned you headmaster. Goodbye."Said Snape exiting the Headmaster's office.

I headed to my own personal quarters and just sat in front of the fire I make the right choice?Should I have agreed to care for the orphaned you Dumbledore for mentioning Lily's name. She's my weakness and he knows that. I sit and think for hours and then go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Early the next morning I get dressed and put on my snarky potions master mask. I dress in a white long sleeve shirt,black pants and black buttoned robes. I walk into the Great Hall and everyone was chatting. I heard You-Know-Who is gone and the Potters yes thats what I heard. They're dead and there son survived. An infant destroyed the darkest wizard of our time. Some of the older students looked completely wasted. Minerva looked sad and Albus was wearing a blank mask.A letter flutters into my lap.

A black envolope. That could only be an invitation to the funeral of Lily.I walk out of the Hall and notice Minerva following me with the same open them at the same time.

**You are invited to the Funeral of Lily Elizabeth Potter nee Evans and James Henry Potter.**

**The 5th of November**

**Godric's Hallow Cemetery 10 o'clock**

**We are sorry for your loss.**


	4. The Funeral

**The Funeral**

**You are invited to the Funeral of Lily Elizabeth Potter née Evans and James Potter.**

**The 5th of November**

**Godric's Hallow Cemetery 10 o'clock**

**We are sorry for your loss. This is a private funeral,for only people who knew the Potter Family.**

There is a note attached. You have been one of four selected to speak at the funeral. Hope to see you there in remembrance of these two wonderful adults.

Who would send me this?I hate James, of course I'm not going. "But, it's Lily's too, and James did save you life. You owe him"said a voice

"Whose there?"Said Snape alarmed and started frantically looking around.

"In here silly. No,not there.I'm in your head."said the voice

"Great. Now I'm hearing things. I must have had to much firewhiskey."Thought Snape.

"You're not crazy. I'm your conscience You know you will go to the funeral if only because you have the duty of speaking. I know you Snape, if only because I am you.."said the voice

"Curse you. If you weren't in my head I would kill you. But,your right. I guess I have to go to their funeral."Snape thought annoyed,he hates being wrong.

* * *

><p>Three days..That's how long I have to prepare for the funeral. I was asked,no tolled to speak and have no idea what I'm going to say. I'm going to try to speak only of Lily. I've heard it's improper to speak of the dead in a bad way,especially at there own funeral. If I do mention James at all I will say that he saved my life,he was funny and was good fatherhusband.

As much as I hate to admit it James was better for Lily than I was. I unintentionally hurt her more times than I care to count over the years. That's one of my worst regrets.I hated hurting my angel and it was sad to me that my worst enemy was better for my best friend than me,Severus Snape,who knew Lily since childhood.

The days leading up to the funeral dragged on. I don't know why I ever wanted to be a professor. I hate children. Children under 3rd year should not make potions. It's just plain dangerous but,no the ministry requires them to have knowledge of potions and brewing styles. Since Lily's death, days just seem to last forever. But,nothing lasts forever, even if you really wanted it to.

I have canceled classes for the last period on the 4th, all of the 5th and 6th of this month to prepare for the funeral. Minerva was also asked to speak but, I wonder who the other two speakers are. They probably are friends of James'. I have decided to tell people at the funeral about how she didn't care about house prejudice,how she was a great friend,a kind soul and about our friendship. I have also decided to write a few sentences to say goodbye to James,even though he was a major jerk to me in school. He did save my life and I feel like it would be an insult to his memory to not at least thank him for saving my life( I would love to insult him but,it would be completely inappropriate at his funeral, especially since James was so well liked.)

In those last days of preparing, I actually felt a bit of sympathy with the students. Who knew writing could ever be this hard?I eventually wrote it. I found the key to this all was instead of stopping myself for showing emotion,I let it flow. As soon as I did that the eulogy practically wrote itself. The only thing I had to do was edit it and take out the part of Lily being my one true love because I want to keep that with me.

The night before the funeral I couldn't sleep. I was to emotional. Memories of Lily flooded my mind. I eventually broke down and took a small bottle of dreamless sleep so, I could at least sleep peacefully for a few hours.

That morning I woke up at 7 am. I ate oatmeal and tea for breakfast. Then, I got dressed for the funeral. I picked out a nice dark green polo,black dress pants,my best black robes and, boots. By the time I'm done with this it's too early to head to the cemetery so I've decided to just go up to Minerva's office and see if there is anything she needs help with.

When I reached Minerva's office I made sure to knock,I heard a cat meowing in response and then a pop. "Come in"said Minerva.

I walked in and notice balls of parchment scattered around the room. That's odd for Minerva McGonagall. She loves things orderly and her office is usually pristine. Now her office is simply a disaster.

"Oh,it's just you Severus. What do you want?"said Minerva.

"I just wanted to see if you needed anything. May I ask you why your office is such a mess?"Severus said calmly with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Could you help me write the eulogy?I have been trying to write this all night and I can't seem to find the correct words. How did you right yours?"asked Minerva with a silent please.

"The eulogy is supposed to come from your heart. It's how you viewed the person,how they changed your life and how they stood out from everyone else. I did that for Lily and said a few words for James. Just write and then you can edit later. Want me to clean this up?"Severus said in a teaching manner.

"Thank you Severus"said Minerva and then her quill hit the paper.

It was 9:45 by the time Minerva was done with the Eulogy. She mentioned how James was troublesome yet always made her laugh. She also wrote how they were both students of hers and how Lily was exceptionally bright and she had the pleasure of teaching them. She just gave me an overview of what she has written and told me she didn't want to spoil it. Then we headed off to the funeral together.

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful service. There were flowers and many kind words said about these two amazing people. Not one person didn't have a tears welling up in their eyes after that. At the end was our time to speak and remember the two people in the coffins that lay before us. Minerva is to go second and I shall go last. Who else is to speak is a complete mystery to me.<p>

Albus was the first to stand up and speak to the audience.

_**Albus Dumbledore's Eulogy:**_

Today we are here to remember two amazing people. We will always remember Lily and James as the parents of the boy who lived but,they we much more than that. They were brave,strong and loyal. They should be remembered as valiant fighters with good hearts not just war casualties who helped stop Voldemort in his tracks.

I have been headmaster at Hogwarts School for a little over 30 years now. I am grateful to have had the pleasure to know these to people. They were both interesting people and have made an impact on my life. James as I believe was best in Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts where Lily strengths lied in Charms and Potions. They made such a good team.

James was always being sent up to my office for one of his pranks, or another and Lily had the kindest sole I have ever meant. If anybody could kill somebody with kindness and love it would be Lily. She always made sure that everyone knew that what your abilities are that placed in you in your house didn't matter and what really mattered was the choices you made. After all she was a lion and her best friend a snake. Two opposites but,I have come to realize they are more similar than they would like to admit. They are two opposites of the same coin really.

I always believed that the good people will win and be happy and the evil will always loose the battle and suffer the consequences. Lily taught me differently. She taught me that everyone has both good and bad inside them and it is what side you choose to act on is what mattered because really what makes you a bad person is if you made bad choices and continually make bad choices. Good people will try to change and make the better choice. Nobody is perfect and this little red headed angel taught me that was an angel with a bit of a dark side.

When you think rule breaker you wouldn't think of Lily Evans. She was bookish and brave. Then, I think that after all those years in Gryffindor tower instead of Ravenclaw which I thought she would be better in,rubbed off on her. She became a bit more daring,loosened up was more of a child than the bookworm and adult person she liked to pretend to be.

I remember clearly one incident on Valentines day. I was so surprised when I found Lily in the hospital wing and found out what she was Valentines day in her 4th year and James charmed her book to ask her if she would go out with James every time she tried to study. She got annoyed and asked how do I stop this stupid thing from talking,and then proceeded to slap James in the back of the head.

"Say yes and kiss me"Said James

"I'd rather kiss the giant squid than a giant big headed jerk like yourself"Said Lily with a mix of anger and disgust in her voice.

"Fine. The book will stop asking you if you say yes and kiss me, or the giant squid in the Black Lake."

Before we knew it Lily ran to the lake. Took off her outer robes and jumped straight in and kissed the giant squid. The squid turned a bright shade of pink and stayed that way for at least a week. It was one of the stupidest things she ever did. It was February and the lake was still somewhat frozen and the squid could have killed her. She spent two full days in the hospital wing after that with a mild case of hypothermia.

I have no idea why she did it. It would have been easier to say yes to James kiss him and then break up. Apparently she didn't want to give James the satisfaction of hearing her say that three letter word and I guess that her Gryffindor bravery and our recklessness finally kicked in to her. If there were only two traits I could say Lily possessed I would say she was as stubborn as a bull and exceptionally kind.

James was always the immature one who was always there when you needed a laugh. Two adjectives that I believe strongly describe James Potter are he was humerus and despite his behavior being arrogant at times was good-natured. He always fought for what was believed to be right.

James, I believe cared to much about prejudice and his image than anything else in his first few years at Hogwarts, but he changed. People do 's rare thing,but people can change for the better.

James was always there when you needed him and was very strong willed. He wouldn't let any body change who he was and for a period of time still worked with the Aurors while he has in hiding. It was a war and he wasn't about to bale out just because he was in danger. He knew this was much bigger than him and wanted to be known as a hero who died fighting for what he believed in than a coward who hid away just so he could watch everyone he cared about get killed. James died the way he wanted to. He died loved and fighting with a wand in his hand. He put up a fight but,in that battle he ultimately lost. You can't win a battle if you don't try and James tried to fight Voldemort off and he provided at least a few seconds more of life to his lover and son. In my eyes James and Lily will always be heroes, but they will also be remembered as a few of the best friends that this old man(pointing to himself)has ever had. Thank you Lily and James for your friendship. Thank you for saving us all.

_**Albus Dumbledore's POV**_

Wow. I thought it would be easier writing it than it would be speaking it. It's hard to speak of James and Lily Potter knowing they will not be coming back. I had to stop myself from crying numerous times. Lily was like the daughter I never had. She would always listen to me even though I sometimes sound a bit mad. There isn't and will never be another Lily Evans. She was a very unique person. A perfect angel in the eyes of many. Nobody is perfect but,if perfection had a sister her name would be Lily. She was so close to perfect in every way. So kind,generous and loving. If only she knew the power and strength of her love temporarily banished Voldemort. If only she knew she was the one who saved her son.

_**Snape's POV**_

Albus was asked to speak. Why didn't he tell me?I could have used his help. I could tell he was holding something back, but I don't want to pry. After all I held back details of how much I cared for Lily in my eulogy. I see Dumbledore sit down and nods to Minerva a good luck gesture is made by Albus towards Minerva but,I don't think she noticed.

I could see tear marks already and Albus' eulogy wasn't very sad but,I do admit it is hard to think of them without feeling empty inside.

**_Minerva McGonagall's Eulogy:_**

At first I was upset by the news of Lily and James' were killed and I was sad I couldn't save them but,not for long. Lily and James wouldn't want to be the source of our tears. Don't be sad that they have gone away because what is death but,a new beginning. A wise man once told me that death is just the next big adventure,so don't pity the dead. Pity the living and most of all those who live without knowing love.I am sad that I will never see them again because there will never be someone like them again,they were so unique. You will see them again when it is your time because that is the way of life. Life and death go hand in hand,one can not happen without the other,it's the circle of life. Never forget James and Lily and they will never leave you. They may be physically gone but,their memory and spirit will stay with you for the rest of your life and for all of eternity.

James and Lily were two of the bravest and stubbornest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. James and Lily were very unique people and I was there for many of there fights when they were younger. I didn't understand until recently how you two ended up together. I now agree that you are perfect together. It's like they say opposites attract after all. Lily was book smart and somewhat shy while James was outgoing,popular and athletic. Lily was an angel and James could be like the devil at times.

Lily was always had an odd sense of humor,was kind and determined, but rarely sad or angry at any one. Everyone who ever met her could not help but,love her.

Lily taught me,her professor many important lessons. It would take me an entire eternity to explain to you all of the things she has taught me but,I have time for a few. One thing she taught me was how to be strong and to be kind. You told me kindness and understanding can go along way. You are the strongest person I have ever known and you gave me strength when I was weak alone..Lily,you were my light in the darkness. When times were sad and tough I looked to you for guidance. You truly were the brightest witch I have ever known. You were much wiser than your years. You knew that at Hogwarts when we were divided we are weak but,when we are united we are strong and quite a force to be reckoned with.

Lily always found a way to help and always helped us mend a flaw in out plans. As I see it,you were one of the most valuable members in the entire Order. I will never forget Lily Elizabeth Evans. She made a very strong impact on my life and will forever remain a part of me. As long as I am alive Lily will not just be seen as a casualty in war,she will be known as who she was as a person in life, not what she did minutes before she died. She will be remembered as the kind,gentle sole that she was,along with the hero and valiant fighter she showed me she could be. Her death is a great loss to the wizarding world. We could all learn a few things from Mrs. Potter née Evans .

James was quite the prankster. He made me laugh. He was a troublemaker but,he made sure nobody got to badly injured. James and his friends caused so much trouble during his 7 years at school. It's like his middle name was mayhem.

James also was our little Quidditch star. He helped bring victory to Gryffindor more times than I care to count. It seemed like he born on a broomstick. He probably could have played professionally if he wanted to. He won the Quidditch Cup for us 3 years in a row. A personal record,he called it one of his finest hours.

James was a fierce fighter and loyal friend. He was a fighter down to the very end. If one of his friends were in danger he would just charge into the middle and defend his friend. I don't remember a time when James was ever in detention alone. There were only two important lessons James ever made sure I knew. Those lessons were fight for what you believe in and real friends stick together,and defend each other until the end of time.

Together James and Lily kept Gryffindor from falling into ruins. They made quite a team. That's probably the reason I made them both prefects and then Lily went on to become Head Girl and James Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. They both were great leaders and noble fighters.

I for one will miss them but,will move on because I have to. They wouldn't want us to give up our dreams just because they're gone. They would want us to live our lives. Be brave and follow our hearts. They may be dead, but they will not be forgotten. Their memory will live on in us. So don't be sad that they're gone,be joyous and thankful to at least have gotten to know these two wonderful people.I for one will always miss the real were true Gryffindors,brave,loyal and fighters till the end. Goodbye my little lions,see you on the other side.

_**Minerva's POV**_

That was hard to do. If it wasn't for Severus I wouldn't have even finished it but,now I'm not sure if I want to finish it but,I will do it for them. There were so many more things I wanted to say but,I had trouble finding the correct words and these two deserve the best. They were my lions and I couldn't protect them like any good lioness. I know there was nothing I could have done but,I wish I could have done something to save them. They were lovely people. Young,kind and would help change the world of wizards and witches for the better. They would save us all. Help unite us so Wizarding Britain could be the strongest of all the wizarding community. There death left the world empty and broken. Lily would have found a way to put the pieces together but,she would need help and now I don't have her guidance to fix it. I'm on my own now. I just want to make them proud. I am older but,Lily was a better witch and had a better knack of dealing with people. I envy her talent and know that is gone along with her spirit.

_**Dumbledore's POV**_

Minerva's eulogy was short and sweet..I know she wanted to say more but,she has never been much of a speaker. I just wonder why she was holding back. It's alright to show emotion. Nobody is here to judge her. We are here to remember James and Lily.

**_Snape__'__s POV_**

I liked Minerva's way of writing her eulogy. It was simple and gave us an overview of who they were. She was right,Lily had a knack for solving problems and basically everyone did love her. As much I don't want to admit it,James loved Lily than I think I am capable of. James also was an expert on a broomstick even at a young age. He was some major competition for me that one year I decided to try out and ended up as a chaser. Well everyone has to be good at something right?I'm good at potion making,Minerva is good at teaching,James was amazing on a broom and Lily was an excellent problem solver. Everyone has their strengths and has something worth teaching another. Lily was an excellent teacher and had a very unique way of teaching them to you. Her lessons always stuck with you and you usually learned them the hard way.

Minerva sat back down in the row behind me. One more person before I have to speak to everyone about Lily. I don't think I can do it but,I have to. Can't back out now. Snapes are not quitters.

Out of the corner of my eye I see somebody stand who I thought I would never have to see again after my last day of school. I should have known he would be here. James and him were practically family at school. The man was Remus John Lupin,the werewolf who nearly killed me. He is the thing James saved me from."Stop feeling sorry for yourself"I thought and soon after I thought that the wolf started to speak.

**_Mooney/Remus Lupin's Eulogy:_**

I met both James and Lily in school. We were all Gryffindors. The Mauraderers,what James,two other friends and I called our group were the schools troublemakers. We were always playing pranks and loved to have a good laugh,usually at my expense. Apparently I have to lighten up.

I do remember playing a few good pranks back on James though, like the time we dyed his hair silver and Slytherin green for a week or,the time we turned his robes into a navy blue muggle prom dress with gray trim. Prongs I think you actually looked better in that dress than those robes anyway. I so wish I got a picture of that. Those were some good times. That was back when we were carefree and there was no war. Everything was so peaceful and fun when we were kids.

I also will forever remember are last meal in the Great Hall. Someone in our Mauraderer group started a giant food fight and, it turned out to an all out war in less than 5 minutes with all of the students and even a few of the teachers participating. That I think was the messiest thing we ever did but,it was cool seeing everyone working together. I don't think one person in the Great Hall walked out with out having food in there hair or, just looking like a complete disaster. I admit that was the most fun I had in that hall. It was even worth it having everyone clean the great hall with only a toothbrush. That was the schools first detention with all of the students,we made Hogwarts history. I won't disclose who started that because I still think a few of our professors will find a way to punish us even after all these years.

Anyways James and I were close. All of The Mauraderers were. We always were looking out for each other. Detentions were always better with your friends and, I remember taking the fall for a few of the pranks James pulled just so he could go to Quidditch practice. Gryffindor needed its star chaser after all.

I remember in our 3rd year I tolled them of my little problem and they immediately started researching how they can help me or, at least be with me when it happened. James was the first to succeed(it was end of 4th year,everyone else took longer,year 5(Padfoot)and six(Wormtail.)),He was the best in Transfiguration after all. What I am talking about was becoming animagi so he could stay with me. James' animagus was a stag. The other Mauraderers I think they eventually succeed and were if I remember correctly a they were large black dog and a rat. I was afraid of telling them my secret but,they were there for me like always. They were the closest thing I had to brothers and Lily was like my big sister even though she is technically younger than me. She was wise with the energy of a jack rabbit at times.

I didn't know Lily well. I knew James has had a major crush on her since 2nd year and was repeatedly denied until one day she said yes. One of her friends told me even though she was crushing on him in 5th year, but she still said "no" because she didn't want to change her answer from the simple two letter word to a word with three letters. Apparently no was an easier answer and she was "protecting her pride" She also wanted to make sure before she said "yes" that he wasn't a jerk because enough people are mean and she didn't want to be with somebody who could be so mean.

Lily was princess kindness. When someone did something stupid or was mean to somebody else all hell would break loose. The princess of kindness,the angel of Gryffindor would turn all Jekyll and Hyde on us. Wow did Lily have a temper as fiery as her hair. I remember she even hexed James once that it left a small scar on his arm after one of his more idiotic stunts.

I was there to comfort James when he was rejected and reminded him constantly that he could have any other girl,but Lily was the one he wanted. I was just as surprised as anybody when she finally said "yes" to him and then found out the news that James had proposed and she again said "yes of course I will" to him.

Lily always had a heart of gold. She was the first one I told of my furry little problem and she actually helped me sneak out of the tower with out being scene by the other boys in Gryffindor. Farewell Prongs and Lily. You were true lions and great friends. You will be sincerely missed by us all. Goodbye Prongs and little doe see you on the other side. My last few words you most likely will not make sense to any of you but,that's alright because James will understand them. Mischief Managed,my friend.

_**Mooney's POV**_

Maybe I really shouldn't have had the firewhiskey before standing up there. I basically spelled out I am a werewolf and my friends are illegal animagi. What's wrong with me?

I also told them of a moment James basically told me if I said anything he would make me into puppy chow. At least I had enough sense to keep who started the food fight a secret. Let's just hope I am able get out of here before somebody decides to question me under veritaserum.

I guess I didn't do to bad. I am not much of a talker,more of a listener and public speaking sort of freaks me out. I guess the only way to get over a fear is by facing it.

_**Dumbledore's POV**_

That was interesting. I clearly remember that food fight and now I have an idea who started it. It was fun and nice to finally see some unity between all the houses but,really throwing food?Couldn't they have cooperated in a cleaner fashion?

What truly surprised me though is them all being able to do above NEWT level transfiguration in there 4th and 5th year. Animagi are rarely that young and very few wizards/witches are able to unlock that power. Interesting. Very Interesting...

_**Minerva's POV**_

Animagi that young?I succeeded in the end of my 6th year and I'm the professor. They were illegal Animagi and they are lucky they haven't gotten caught yet. I will need to talk to Remus. I didn't know they were that powerful. I wonder if Lily ever succeeded(if she did try that is).

Lupin was right. I will find a way to punish whoever did it. I might not be able to give them detention but, now I can freely hex them. Lupin most likely will not give up the information lightly. Maybe I will have to slip so veritaserum in his tea. That might have been fun for them but. It was a complete disaster. Everything nice was covered in sticky food and mush,I hate things that aren't neat and orderly. Go ahead call me a neat freak. It's not like I haven't herd that one numerous times over the years. Really if you are going to insult someone you could at least be a bit more creative. The same gets boring after a while and some people just do not and will not be friends. It's like Voldemort and Dumbledore. They will get along when hell freezes over.

_**Snape's POV**_

I quietly snort. James in a dress. Really as much as a pain they could be to me they were more comical than hurtful. I really hope he will show me that memory. I'm glad it was James instead of me though,I got tormented enough at school.

I also always wondered who started that food fight. I always had my suspicion that it was one of The Marauderers.I never voiced my opinion evidence to support my accusation.

It is my turn to speak so I take a deep breath and walk to the podium behind the closed caskets. Then I begin to read the eulogy that took hours to write.

_**Severus Snape's Eulogy:**_

As a lot of you know James and I didn't particularly get along. You might even go as far to say that we despised each other. He was constantly teasing me,and I realize now why that was. It was because I had Lily and she was denying to be his girlfriend. She called him a git,a bully and many other names that I admit I called him too. But,James finally grew up. He won Lily's heart and saved my life in our 5th year. I am thankful to be standing here all those years later even when it doesn't feel completely right,James the man who saved me and my best friend are dead and I'm here. I admit even though James saved my life I still don't particularly care for him. The real reason I am here today is for Lily.

The truth is I loved Lily(and still love Lily I omitted)and she saved me on numerous occasions. From protecting me from James to helping me with many personal matters. She was my savior.

Lily has taught me many lessons over the years. One of the most important lessons she taught me was goodbyes are not forever,they are just a goodbye until you can say hello again. She taught me this when we had a fight and she said goodbye to me and then she forgave me. Lily was always incredible forgiving.

Lily I believe is my guardian angel and I will never forget her or, the kindness she showed me throughout our childhood. She was brave and uncommonly kind and forgiving. We stayed friends through all of the ruff patches in life.

She unlike James, or me for that matter, didn't care about house prejudice. She didn't care that I was a Slytherin and she was a Gryffindor. It's like a unspoken rule between the houses of Gryffindor and Slytherin,to hate each other but,Lily and I broke that rule more times than I care to count. What our houses don't like to admit is we are similar than we think and we stand stronger together. Lily brought everyone closer together.

She was an incredible friend and baker. I'm surprised nobody mentioned her baking ability but,maybe she only baked for me. She would always make me a cake for my birthday, or send me cookies on Christmas. Her baking goods were heavenly.

When I was with her it seemed like time stopped. It seemed like our friendship would last for infinity. She made me happy,was my only true friend and as I learned in defense class in our 4th year is my patronus. James' was a stag and ours was a doe. I still have no idea what it means exactly,all I know is that we have the same patronus. I didn't actually think that could happen but. it did. Magic does crazy things sometimes.

I am not standing here to tell you that James could be a royal git at times or,that Lily was the kindest person you would ever meet, as I'm sure most of you know that. I am here to remember my best friend. My only true friend actually. Lily such with me through it all and I thought if one person was immortal it would be Lily.

She was gentle and kind and I guess she was needed more where ever she is now than she was here with us and her son. Sadly nothing lasts forever,even the things you really want to like love and friendship,Lily today I am here to thank you for our little infinity. I will always remember you. You changed my life for the better. Thank you.

And that was all they heard. I also softly whispered "I love you Lily,I'm sorry" before I stepped down from the podium.

_**Mooney's POV**_

That filthy Slytherin Snape is here?He despised James. Why would he be here?Then I remember some people are here for Lily also. I didn't know Snivellus actually could be nice and show compassion. It is odd for me to see him speaking with out his usual sneer on his face.

I understand now why Lily was mad when we bullied Snape. They were friends. They broke the sacred code between the lions and the snakes. They knew each other since they were kids, and prejudice isn't as important as friendship.

My sensitive wolf ears hear a few surprising words come from Snape's mouth as he walks quickly away from the podium. He said "I love you Lily. I'm sorry"

I must have heard wrong but,I doubt I did. My senses are rarely wrong. Why was Snape sorry and if he loved Lily why was he so mean to her at times? If he loved her,why did he let her go?

_**Snape's POV(Original POV)**_

I guess I didn't do to bad. My voice only faltered once. Minerva looks proud and everyone but,Lupin is crying. Lupin looks to be trying to figure something out,what though I have no idea.

I sit back down and Minerva whispers in my ear. "That was beautiful Severus. Thank You for doing that. Just wanted to let you know I am there for you if you need to talk."She said quickly before sitting back.

"I'm there for you to Minerva. All you have to do is ask and I'll be there, just don't expect me to start being nice to your lions. I don't do nice and I have a reputation to up hold you know."I said loud enough so only she could hear me.

The minister started to speak,he thanked all of the speakers,and then said something surprising. "I would like to end this funeral with a few songs to remind us of the deceased. Feel free to sing along."

Then,music started playing from an unknown source.

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><p>Sorry it was so long. This was the hardest chapter I've had to write so far. Thank you to all of my readers. Please continue to read,I love your support. Feel free to tell me what you think of it or if I should change anything. I had a hard time with the eulogies having only gone to one funeral in my life. Sorry if Mooney seems off,he just lost his best friend and found out another betrayed him,he also is under the influence.<p>

Did you catch the reference?I make a small The Fault In Our Stars reference. :)to all who find it.I also had Minerva go all Dumbledore.I did this because in my eyes they are similar but,Dumbledore is much more manipulative.


	5. The Power of Music

**A/N** Thank you for reading this far. This chapter is written like a songfic ,but I only put parts of the songs and will just show you how the lyrics reminded Snape of Lily.I know it's been a bit slow and you probably want to get to the Harry,but let me tell my story and then when It's time you will get your precious Potter.(Snape leave my laptop. 20 points from Slytherin. He sneers and then argument breaks out and Gryffindors are -10 points and I am serving detention for a month...It was so worth arguing with him.)

Anyway songs in this chapter are Tears of an Angel by RyanDan,Your Gaurdian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Imagine by John Lennon(if watch on you tube I recommended the glee version),Time of our Lives by Tyrone Wells,Don't you worry child by Swedish house Mafia,Safe and Sound by Capital Cities featuring and Heaven was Needing a Hero by Jo Dee Messina. Hope you enjoy this chapter..It's mostly just Music and how it worked into Snape and Lily's relationship.

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><p><em><span><strong>Narrator:<strong>_

Music is a thing that most people find fun and inspirational. Songs can be sad or they may be uplifting. Music is a way another way to tell a story. This is one thing that Lily taught Snape when they were children. Severus isn't good at expressing himself, but you can tell how he is feeling by the way he plays and what he plays. When they were younger Ms. Liliana Rose Evans,Lily's muggle mother taught Severus and Lily how to play the piano. They both had a natural talent for it. A gift of a song for the best friends of the time. A song for the only true friend either of them will ever have.

_**Back at the Funeral Snape's POV**_

Many songs are played and I am flooded with memories. Both joyous and depressing and some a mix of the two. Music has always been of the up most importance in my life. It let's me express myself

The first song that was played was Imagine by John Lennon. Lily loved the Beatles. The lyrics that really struck home with me in that song were, "_Nothing to kill or die for...__Living Life in Peace...You may say I'm a dreamer,but I'm not the only one...I hope someday you'll join us,__In __the world will be as one"_ These lyrics struck home for me because Lily brought everyone together. All she wanted was for everyone to get along and that's one reason she tried to unite Hogwarts. She knew if everyone was united we were strong. All she wanted was peace and everyone to be happy. Maybe if we all were united she wouldn't have died as suddenly as she did. If we were united they're wouldn't even have been a war in the first place. We all would have just been wizards with our strengths,who would do great things to the Wizarding World. I believe everyone would be happy and peaceful. That would have been wonderful but,that wouldn't ever be reality. They're are always those who want power. They're also are those who think they're better than others. In truth we all are equal. We are all needed. I always think that evil is needed just to balance the scales. The evil and the good both are needed. You want to rid the world of evil,an impossible task. You want to be happy,you have to work for it. They help give the world meaning.

Lily was also a dreamer. She was always one with big ideas and she was never afraid to speak her mind. That was one quality I always loved about Lily. She was brave and always true to herself.

I remember the first time I ever heard that song. I was at Lily's house the summer after our first year.

The next song that played was a bit more appropriate for a funeral. It was called _Tears of an Angel _and it's by RyanDan. That song was appropriate because Lily was my angel. She is my guardian angel. When she died I cried actual tears for the loss of my angel on earth. That Hallows Eve, heaven gained another angel in disguise. I couldn't believe that my angel was gone. I have finally got through the first stage of grief denial. I now know that she's dead and no matter how hard I cry ,or beg my angel isn't going to come back down to earth. The lyrics "_Cover my eyes. Cover ears. Tell me these words are a lie." _Speaks of how I didn't want to believe she was dead. All I can do now is accept that she is dead and nothing will be able to bring her back for no spell ,or potion can bring back the dead.

Towards the end "_Stars are in shock. The river will flow to the sea. I wont say goodbye. I wont let you slip away from me" _These lyrics talk about how sudden and shocking her death was to most of us. She was so young,powerful and innocent. She didn't deserve to die ,but who does in war. She got stuck in the middle of a war she didn't want to be a part in and she was murdered because of it. I felt like if I said goodbye then she would really be gone. I didn't want my best friend to get away from me again. I didn't want to loose my love. Letting her go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was necessary ,but some nights I regret doing it. Some nights I wonder if it was worth it. I had to do it for Lily. I had to let her free. Lily was a bird, free spirited and fragile. Being anywhere associated with the Dark Lord ,or any of his servants would have broken her. She wanted to save everyone and she learned the hard way that you can't save them all. Through loosing her I learned that sometimes doing the right thing for the right thing stings more than doing the wrong thing all together. After Lily I don't think I will ever be able to love again.

I have never heard this song before in my life. It is very emotional and well written. It reminds me strongly of how she died,how I loved her and lost her,and how I tried to save her ,but failed. Failure hurts. What would hurt more though is not trying to save her. At least now she is in a safe place with that idiotic Gryffindor husband of hers. At least I know she is not alone.

I would rather not be reminded by her death ,but if I remember her life I have to remember her death. After all life and death are best friends separated by one fine line. They are similar in more ways than I care to count and I could sit here forever telling you about these things ,but I would rather get on with my life and not waste my life away thinking about death.

The next song was called _Time of Our Lives_ by Tyrone Wells. I personally think it would fit better at a graduation than a sad funeral. It took away some of the dreariness of this place and did do it's job of helping us reflect on the lives of the bodies in front of us. The lives that should have been longer. The people who's strings of life were suddenly slashed. To remember the people who most recently passed away.

This song,I am guessing was most likely played to make us remember that we will move on from this. We will live ,but we will not forget them. They will stay in our hearts forever. The first set of meaningful lyrics in this song to me were "_The time has come for letting go,The hardest part is when you know,All of these years - When we were here Are ending, but I'll always remember,We have had the Time of Our Lives"_

These lyrics nearly made me cry. This reminded me that I will never spend another day with Lily. I am grateful for the time we had together. I am happy I had her in my life. She changed it for the better. I already let her go once ,but this time it's for good. It was just as painful this time as last time.

Dumbledore told me that loving her was worth it. That love will win over all. That love will not hurt. That old coot is a lier. Loving may be worth it ,but when you loose it. I read once that It is hard to forget the pain,but even harder to remember the sweetness. I want to remember Lily for the great person she was,not because she left a massive wound in my heart. She left a scar on my heart and a lesson in my brain. That's just who Lily was. The smart one who made you feel like nothing else could ever be that perfect. Losing her was agony. It was worse than having all of the Dark Lord's Death Eaters throw their strongest Cruciatus Curse on all at once.

The second set of important lyrics in that song to me,Severus Tobias Snape were "_And I will not forget,The faces left behind,It's hard to walk away,From the best of days,But if it has to end ,I'm glad you have been my friend"_

These lyrics were important to me because I will have to leave Lily behind. As much as it hurts to admit it, I will have to leave Lily behind. She will live in the past while I move on to the future. I will meet her when it is time to see her again. The goodbye to her today is just until I can say hello to her again in another life. When we can spend time together working on the next great adventure.

I never thought I would ever have a friend. I was an ugly child. A big nose,thin face and different. In school the different people were always the ones to get bullied. I swear the only student in Hogwarts that didn't ever bully me was Lily. She truly had a heart of the shiniest,sparkiest sickles that were ever made. I never thought I would have a friend and I don't think I deserved one has beautiful,loyal and kind as Lily. She was the Gryffindor golden girl while I was just a slimy snake. We were a story of the princess and the frog. Maybe I am a prince in disguise. I am no Prince Charming and if I ever had a princess that would be Lily. She was and will always be my princess. She is my one true love.

That last set of lyrics in this song of great importance to me was _"We hold on tight,To these memories,That never die"_

This shows us that as long as I am living Lily will never be lost. I will never forget her. I will hold on to the memories of my best friend. My only friend. I will never lose the memories of Lily. Only the strongest Obliviate from Dumbledore will make me forget Lily. Will make me forget the best years of my life.

The happiest memory I have happens with Lily. This helps me conjurer a full body patonus. It's like I have a piece of her with me always. The day I met Lily is the one I use. I didn't know then that a small red headed child could wiggle her away into your heart so quickly. She was kind and happy. This happy memory takes place in the part of town where I met Lily,at a small park at the end of the road.

**Memory 1**

It was summer. I was swinging on the swings with Lily. We were talking and laughing. We got off the swings and pranked Petunia. Petunia was mad ,but she could never stay mad at her sweet,_ innocent,_little sister for long. That day was the day Lily was called a Freak for the first time. She just brushed off the statement. "Words can't hurt me."is all she said.

Before long we were all playing together. We played hide and seek,pretend and played at the park more. When we were tired we just talked. That was the happiest day of my life. It was the happiest because that was the day I could let myself finally be a kid. That day I showed the real Severus Snape to the world.

**End Memory**

Lily gave me many more happy days like that. I will keep those happy days with me. Locked away in my heart for safe keeping. Hopefully they will keep me from becoming a git. Lily always stopped me from becoming sadistic so hopefully her memories will be able to stop me from becoming a sadistic bastard.

The third song played was Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. It reminds me of how protective I was of Lily. If I could take her place I would. I would rather die than live without her. I only have Lily and I barely had her. She has her family and was a much better person than I will ever be. I believe Lily is my guardian angel. We have been through so much together. She is the only one who ever truly understood me.

The lyrics in this song basically through my failure back in my face. I already feel horrible and responsible for her death. I killed my best friend and for that I will never forgive myself. I rid the world of an amazing person and I feel guilty. I know I didn't cast that Avada Kedavra ,but I signed her death warrant. I sold an angels sole to the devil. An action that can't be undone. I regret that action almost as much as I regret letting her go in the first place.

At the beginning of the song it reminds me purely of Lily. "_When I see your smile,Tears run down my face,I can't replace"_

Lily was one of those people who smiled you couldn't help ,but smile back. She had the friendliest smile I ever saw worn on a person. When I think of her now I feel tears well up in my eyes. It's too soon for me to think of Lily. I don't think I will ever be able to think of my best friend without getting emotional. I was always told to hold in my emotions. When I was younger I was told many times to "stop crying you little wimp. Real men don't cry"

Lily taught me that shedding tears was okay. She corrected that statement for me. She told me the truth was "Real men cry. Everyone cries. The men who are brave enough to cry in public are the real men. The men who can be true to themselves. Crying is something human we all do. We all are only human and sometimes I think we are stronger than who we are and need something to drag us back down to reality."

That was Lily. Always making you feel better in her odd way. Nobody can replace her. I will love no one as much as Lily. I don't think I will ever love again. You told me lovings worth it ,but I don't think I can bare the pain of loving another. After all Lily made me whole and losing her shattered my sole into millions of minuscule shards of glass. My sole is unrepairable. You may be able to glue the pieces together,but I will never be the same again.

Another set of momentous lyrics in this song to me personally were "_I can show you, I'll be the one,I will never let you fall,I'll stand up with you forever,I'll be there for you through it all,Even if saving you, sends me to Heaven"_

These lyrics were monumental to me because they reminded me of how badly I failed Lily. I failed to show her that I loved her and felt I was right for her. I failed to save her from Lord Voldemort, the man I once called my master. She was always there for me and I would gladly take her place in heaven. I myself am probably going to hell ,but that's beside the point. I mean that I would die for her. I deserve to die. I tried to save her and I couldn't and now she's in a better place. A safe place.

"I'm sorry Lily.",I whisper to myself.

I will never forgive myself. I wouldn't be surprised if Albus in years to come called me "a widower who was never married."

Lily was my one and only. Sadly,I blew my chance at love. I believe that sometimes it's safer being alone. You can only hurt yourself when you're alone. I am used to being in solitary. I am perfectly content being alone. I just bury myself in my work. Yes,being alone is right for me. I remember one time one Christmas I wanted to be alone and Lily wouldn't let me be. She frankly told me "Nobody should be alone on Christmas."

Since then Christmas has always been a time for correspondence between friends and spending time with my Hogwarts family. You never truly know a person until you get to know them. For example I always thought Minerva was a stern,grouchy old hag ,but I was wrong. Minerva behind that stern Lion exterior is kind(Not as much as Lily),grandmotherish and a protective lioness. She is almost as protective over her Lions as I am over my Snakes. One thing I learned one Hogwarts Christmas was Minerva can make a delicious mincemeat pie. I have Lily to thank for that knowledge. Without her I would be isolated from everyone else on Christmas and would be a Scrooge.

**Memory ****of ****a ****Christmas ****with Lily**

I was having a bad day. My father was drunk and my mother was dead. I was alone. All I wanted was to be miserable and be isolated from the rest of the world. I told myself I wouldn't shed any more tears for my mother and I couldn't stand my father. I had one small gift from Lily. I really didn't care about gifts ,but I wanted to know that somebody at least cared. My father was ignoring my existence and I had nobody,or so I thought.

Lily came over and she went up to my bed room. I wanted to be alone ,but Lily was the only person who saw through my motives. I wanted to be alone because I felt nobody could care about a worthless git like me. I was a waste of space to my father. I was the smart kid nobody liked at school. I couldn't even stay at Hogwarts. Dumbledore said that "Christmas would be hard on my father and he would want his son around"

If only Dumbledore knew the truth. If he only knew I was just a burden. I held in my pain though. I never showed him the lattice work scars on my back that my father deepened when I did something freaky ,or defied him. I know now that I should have. I don't know why. I guess I held in all of my pain for the sake of my pride.

Usually Lily leaves me alone when I am in this state ,but not this day. She left for a minute and brought back a book written by Charles Dickens. I was curious why she brought a book ,but said nothing. Lily sometimes worked in strange ways. I asked her to leave me alone one last time ,but she didn't. She just told me to "snap out of it. Stop being a scrooge. I know you think your life is worthless ,but you mean something to me. You are my friend Sev. Let me help you. You are not worthless and I will not let you take your life." She said sternly.I belive she was channeling her inner McGonagle.

I was confused by her statement. I was never suicidal ,but I did think about dieing. I thought everyone was better off without me ,but I was wrong. I wasn't snapping out of my misery so Lily started reading to me. I am perfectly capable of reading myself ,but I think she knew if she just left the book for me to read I wouldn't touch it.

That day she told me the story of Ebinezer Scrooge. I was insulted to be compared to that stingy man ,but I guess I do lack Christmas cheer. That day I decided to try to be a bit more generous and stop feeling sorry for myself because I'm sure people have a lot worse lives than I. I want to help people. People like Lily and Tiny Tim. That day I knew that I would brew potions for the good.I would help people.I always wanted to become a mediwizard. I don't care what others think of a male practicing medicine. It might seem girly ,but I want to help people. I am a strong brewer. I could easily become a potions master.

That day I decided to control my own life. That day Lily made sure I knew that I was not alone and didn't have to be alone. Most importantly Lily taught me that other people care. I always wanted to have someone afraid to lose me,somebody to care for me. I was terrified of losing the ones I call dear. I was afraid of losing Lily like I did my mother. She was the only one left that cared then. She was my only friend. You are never alone when you have a friend to stand by your side.

**End Memory**

**Narrator**

Snape did help people. He saved some peoples lives in war. Everything he touched didn't die. He helped his Snakes get through abusive situations and live better lives. He brewed the correct potions and antidotes to save the kids in the hospital wing. People called Snape paranoid ,but his paranoia saved lives. Snape taught me that minor details matter.

**Snape **

Lily was an angel. _My _angel. If it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't have survived this long. I may have committed suicide ,or just became so depressed I drowned in my sorrows. Lily saved my life many times and this was one of them. This day she saved me from myself. I don't know how she did it. She cared so much and the more you care the more you have to loose. Lily seemed to care about everyone. We all could learn a thing ,or two from Lily Evans.

The song ended and I try to compose myself. Thinking of the day I relized I had a friend when that friend was gone hurt. In that memory Lily was young,happy and with me. In that moment Lily was _mine_. It is true what they say. You really never truly appreciate someone until they're gone.

The next song played was Don't You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia. It's a song from a father to his dying child ,but I find it still reminded me of Lily. Many things are reminding me of that red head.

The first lyrics in this song that are mean something to me are _"There was a time.__I used to look into my father's eyes.,In a happy home,I was a king I had a golden throne."_

These lyrics are a lie because I really didn't have a happy childhood. Meeting Lily and being with her was the highlight of my youth. Only when I was with her I was happy. I hated my father. Lily's Dad was closer to me than my own father. He was kind and liked me while my father hated me and wished I was never born. I believe the only person that ever was proud of me ,or my accomplishments was Lily.

The next line in that song that actually meant something to me were _"__Upon a hill across a blue lake,That's where I had my first heartbreak."_

The day I lost Lily I was having a bad day. I was sitting by the black lake minding my own business ,and then the Maruaderers came up and preformed Levicorpus on me. For those unfamiliar with that spell it basically hung me upside down by my ankles and you could see my underwear. I was extremely embarrassed and because I was embarrassed I said that horrid word. The word that ruined my life. The word that took Lily away from me. That miserable day I called Lily a mudblood. A filthy word that means that they have dirty blood. I should not have called her that because blood purity means nothing to me and who your parents are doesn't make you who you are. It's just a name on paper who you inherited your genes from. I am a completely different person than my parents,well my father at least. Lily has been called that numerous times over the years at Hogwarts and I always protected her from the bullies. It never phased her before ,but it's different when it comes from a friend. It hurts more. That day was the day I lost Lily for the first time. Now Lily is gone for good. I regret saying that. If I could make it up to her ,or just go back to that day and stop it from ever happening I would. It is dangerous to mess with time and messing with the past will change the future. That wouldn't bother me as long as I had Lily as a friend. She was the most important person in my life and I will always keep her in my heart.

The last important lyrics that reminded my of Lily were "There _met a girl of a different kind. We ruled the world,I thought I'd never lose her out of sight. We were so young, I think of her now and then."_

The last lyrics in this song meant something to me because there will be nobody else like Lily. She was so different from everyone else. A good kind of different. Strong,brave, kind,smart and a bunch of other good qualities to have in a person. If I ever needed to talk Lily was there to listen. She was a great listener and I miss having somebody I can completely trust with out having to think about it. I thought she was the one person that would ever be immortal if she wanted to. She was sweet and didn't want immortality. She just wanted happiness.

Together,Lily and I were unstoppable. I thought our friendship would last forever. When I got the note from Lily telling of her engagement to Potter I was mentally kicking myself for not asking her first. I have only ever loved one person. That person was my best friend,the only person I could completely trust,Lily Elizabeth Evans. I will never forget this marvelous person. She will remain in my thoughts always. Sometimes I wonder if she was a figment of my imagination. I didn't think anyone could be so perfect. If this was my imagination why did she end up with my worst enemy and why is it creating something this horrible. No this is sadly reality and I just lost my best friend, again. I just lost the only person who meant the world to me. Without her I am nothing. She made me who I am. Without her things will never be the same. I doubt I will ever be happy again. I shall never forget her and if I ever do I shall lose myself as well.

The last song on the funeral was _Heaven was Needing a Hero_ by Jo Dee Messina. This song was really depressing. The other time I heard this song played was at Lily's parents funeral. They died in our third year and Lily didn't want to go alone. This song brings up the memories of there funeral and some of the great times I had with Lily and her parents.

Mrs. and Mr. Evans were more like the parents I never had. You see my father was an abusive drunk and my mother was a witch who was disowned by her family and killed by her husband. Mom was the only person I felt cared for me besides Lily and the Evans. They were my real family. Sadly,the year I had the fight with Lily, Tobias,my muggle father killed my mother. I wonder why they even got married some nights. They're was little love. They were so different. Complete opposites actually and I doubt this was a case of opposite attraction. I think it was them trying to fix a mistake and not thinking it through. No,they didn't marry out of love. I believe they married out of obligation and nothing more.

The first person I ever killed was my father. I loves him on some level because that's what was expected of me. I killed him because he killed one of the only people who cared. I loved my mother. She was kind and fun. He killed her because he was afraid of her. Afraid of her magic,which she never used for evil. I guess I get my potions talent from her.

The meaningful lyrics in this song to me were "_You're such a part of who I am, Now that part will just be void,No matter how much I need you now,Heaven needed you more, 'Cause Heaven was needing a hero,Somebody just like you,Brave enough to stand up for what you believe and follow it though,When I try to make it make sense in my mind,The only conclusion I come to,Is that Heaven was needing a hero like you,Yes, Heaven was needing a hero...that's you"_

The lyrics above were important to me because Lily was my hero. She always stood up for what she believed in. Lily was an admirable human. She was an angel without wings. The only positive thing,besides Harry surviving,that happened that night in Godric's Hallow all I know is that an angel gained her wings.

These lyrics also could apply to James. He always wanted to be a hero and was a hero. He saved my life. He also was, as much as I loathe to admit it a good man. He matured,was a good husband and an even better father.

James was one of the bravest and most loyal lions that ever existed. He also was thick headed and a valiant fighter. A true Gryffindor through and through. He was a brave man. I don't know anybody who would try to hold off Voldemort and succeed if only for a few moments for his beloved family. Most people would give them up to save themselves and then be killed anyways. James and Lily were quite a pair and will be missed by us all.

* * *

><p>This was the last song at the funeral and then I was allowed to go home. It's only 2 in the afternoon, but I am exhausted. I floo to my quarters and take a small nap. I wake up at 6 and have a small dinner. After dinner something draws me to a small dusty,baby grand piano in the corner of the room. Music is pounding loudly in my skull and it is begging me to let it free. I haven't played the piano since my fight with Lily. I am a little rusty ,but it feels nice to play my heart out. It feels good to let all of that emotion just go. It feels amazing to be on this grand instrument again.<p>

I begin to play melodies of songs that even Beethoven wouldn't think of combining. I was called a musical genius after all. I could have made it as a concert pianist and composer, but chose the life of Potions Master turned spy instead.

I suddenly grab a quill. Lyrics are coming to me. They are flying from my hand to the paper faster than the golden snitch zooming around the Pitch. They're about Lily ,but a song is a song. They are supposed to be emotional. Without emotion songs are just meaningless words. I feels odd finally writing down the song in my heart. The song that stays with me forever. The song that I hold close to me always. This is the song I wrote to remember Lily. The song about my love for Lily.

"_Think of you" _by Severus Snape

For My only_ real friend_,Lily Evans

I can't get you out of my head,

Every night I think of you,

I dream of you,

I see you,

You're smiling back at me.

You tell me everything's gonna be alright.

I can feel your presents here with me.

It's like I have a second chance,

with you my love.

I try to move on,

But I'm afraid,

That I'll forget you.

You changed my life.

You are in my most precious memories.

You made me happy,

I just hope I did the same for you.

Everyday I'll think of you,

And your generosity,

Lily,

my little doe.

I think I love you,

But,I had to let you go.

I see you and me together,

As happy as can be,

In my dreams.

I see what we could've been.

I think of when we were young,

when all was simple

and fun,

the times when we were happy,

together,

when nothing else mattered.

I was happy when I was with you,

When we only had each other.

I was happy when I knew you were safe and warm,

Most importantly I was happy,

Cause you were happy.

You changed my life.

And now I think of you.

Oh,why did you have to go?

Why did I let you get away?

Lily, you're the one who got away.

I will remember you always,

My little doe,

My guardian angel,

Lily,my one true love.

I'll never forget you,

I will think of you,

Always.

To me Lily means friendship. She means beauty. Lily means love. She means kindness. Lily, I will love you and remember you always. You were my are the only person that ever truly cared about me and the only one who mattered to me. RIP my angel, L.E.E.P. I will keep you close always little doe. I don't know how I will move on without you ,but I know that I'll have to. Goodbye my friend,I'll see you on the other side.


End file.
